He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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