you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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