He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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