capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
