So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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