FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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