it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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