just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
