I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
