She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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