dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
