I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
