apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
