I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You ruined the universe
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
