so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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