Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
