I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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