So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
