in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We got so high we made milksteak
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
false alarm, still single
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