Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize