How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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