She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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