bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
