dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
