whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
