I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How external is "for external use only"?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
