as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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