Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
