my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Congratulations! We have a period
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