I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize