Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
