So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
