Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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