Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize