What tipped you off? The sombrero?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize