And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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