between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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