Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
