I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We need to rekindle our bromance
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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