so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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