scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
