There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
