You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
