the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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