She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am mentally ready for anal.
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