Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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