After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I just sharted jello shots
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