u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
