everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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