Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
