Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
