we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
