Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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