i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
