Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize