Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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