People in love make me want to vomit
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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