My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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