i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
