I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
