Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
