My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
