This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
