i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
