i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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