just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
