I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
