did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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