weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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