It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
