I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
